Jeremy wrote this letter to Hazel and read it to her on her first birthday. As I attempt to make this blog a place to document life together, it only seemed appropriate to include it here, along with the letter that I wrote to her (admittedly much later).
As I re-read this letter, I can’t help but be filled with joy and gratitude for a husband that loves our daughter so well. His intentionality with her. The way he consistently points her to the Lord. The way he cherishes every single moment.
I absolutely adore the way he adores her.
The way she adores him.
It truly is one of the sweetest gifts to my Mama heart.
Just really, really grateful.
We sat on the bed, you lay in our arms. Mom held you at arms length, so that we could both look at you through the lens of the decision we had just made. We wanted to be sure. Sure, because our decision would affect the rest of your life.
It was hard to be sure, because only minutes earlier we were all in a tub filled with blood, poop, and who knows what else. We took turns getting clean… mommy first. I got to hold you, look at you and focus my thoughts… you were cleaned and swaddled and given to Mommy. In the meantime I went to clean up as quickly as I could so I didn’t miss your first moments. We had to give a name before we left the birth center and I wanted to get to know you as much as possible before the decision.
-“I think Hazel”,
-“Me too!”
-“Jane means God is gracious.”
-“Perfect!”
If you had been a boy your middle name would have been John, which means the same thing.
-“Hazel Jane- it sounds so good together.”
-“But, are you Hazel, there was another name? Hazel doesn’t mean anything it is just a color. The color of our eyes.”
“Hazel Jane – Gazing into the graciousness of God”
That is our prayer for you! That is the meaning of your name. Daddy says so.
On the day you were born you gazed at a completely different world. Let there be light! On the day you were born. Let there be movement of forms! Let there be loud, clear sounds! Let there be color!
You couldn’t do much more than gaze and cry and we loved you for it! We loved to care for you. To gaze into your focused unknowing eyes when you were awake, and gaze upon your face as you slept peacefully, and when you smiled in your sleep, we melted. What were you dreaming about? Did you understand your dreams more than what you observed?
On the day you recognized me as your daddy, your gaze lit me up! I would do anything to bring joy to you. You always had such a strong neck and could hold your head up since the first week of life. I would lay you on my chest, so that when you held your head up we would be face to face. You have the most joyful smile and smiling eyes that shine!
Today you are one and you gaze at a world that is small and you have made sense of much of it. You point at everything to tell me all that you are taking in. You even know how to focus your attention away from mommy and daddy, to objects you know are not for you. You care for your stuffed animals the way we cared for you. What you have gazed at you pass on and bless others!
Hazel you have taught me how to gaze at the world and heaven differently. I love being your daddy! My prayers for you after your first year of life is:
⁃ That as you understand more and more of what you see, you will respond to the Holy Spirit’s call and be born anew and truly gaze into the graciousness of God.
⁃ That you will lift your head and come face to face with your Heavenly Father and recognize Him. He is the creator, He loves you, and is always with you.
⁃ That you will point out what you are making sense of in God’s world and pass on to others the care you have received from your Heavenly Father!
You will continue to understand more of what you gaze at, and you will continue to light up many lives, just as you have mine!!! We are blessed to gaze at the world through you!! I love you sweetheart!! – Daddy
For His glory and my good 