Theodore Roan, letters from Mommy and Daddy

Letter from Mama, written April 10, 2023

Theodore Roan Anderson, my sweet, sweet boy. I have been meaning to write you a letter for so long, but to be honest, the thought of doing so overwhelms me a little bit, so I procrastinate. I am not usually one who struggles to put things into words, but when it comes to you, my sweet Theodore, I find myself struggling to find the right words to adequately communicate just how special you are. Because truly, brother bear, you are something special. When you were a baby I would tell you that all of the time, but I didn’t know then just how much those words would prove to be true. There is something about you that causes anyone who meets you to feel all warm and fuzzy inside– you have an effect on us that I simply can’t put into words.

But I reckon it’s time that I at least try. 🙂

You have me completely wrapped around your little finger, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Your sweet little dimples, your shining eyes. It’s impossible to look at your smile and not return one.

You are so considerate and thoughtful. You check on us when we get hurt, always asking “are you okay?” While at the pool this week I would go under water for a few seconds and each time I came up you would look at me with wide-eyed concern asking “are you okay?” If I trip over something on the floor, you will pick it up without being asked to, often returning the item to where it belongs. You show genuine concern when someone is in pain and it blesses me every time.

You are such a good communicator. You started talking right before you turned two, and we were all SO surprised by how quickly you took off! Full sentences and conversations at two. It blew our minds then and still does today. The way you speak is so unique to you. You often say things that leave your daddy and me looking at one another like.. where did he get that from?! One thing we love is how proper you are in your speech. We will ask you a question where a simple “yes” or “no” will do, but instead you answer with “yes I did” or “no I do not.” Something about it stands out to us and reminds us that you are your own person, created by the Lord uniquely to be YOU.

Sometimes you call me Mama, sometimes you call me Mommy. And sometimes you call me Mumsie.

I love how passionate you are about the way things should be– you definitely get that from your momma. 🙂 You know where things belong and you are adamant that they go there. You will often find something out of place and without being asked, return it to the correct place while declaring “deeese don’t belong!”

Oftentimes if we do something for you, you will un-do it so that you can re-do it yourself. You are very determined to do whatever you can on your own.

Before you even turned two you were fully dressing yourself. I love watching you run around with a shirt on backwards, the sure sign that you got to do it on your own.

There was a period of time that you would whisper things so loudly and passionately. You would often just say out loud “Daddy/Mommy?” and when we said “yeah” you would simply reply “hi.” It was adorable.

You went through a phase of coming out of the bedroom at nighttime, holding your diaper in hand. “I take my diaper off!” you would proclaim. “Why did you take your diaper off?” “CUZ!”

You are so funny. Legitimately funny. You make us laugh constantly. I especially love it when you make your sister laugh. You have a way of making her laugh that is unique to you two. I love it. And I love you two– Hazel + Theodore. You two love each other so well. You’re best buds. And even though you get at each other more these days, you are thick as thieves. You play so well together, and care so well for one another. Mostly. 🙂

Your curiosity is insatiable. You must get into everything. But you do so with such innocence. So it’s hard to be too upset about it. Although I do feel like I’m being driven mad over it at times. I simply can’t keep up! You certainly keep us on our toes.

You are very sensitive, and it’s really sweet. Your heart is tender, and I know exactly where you got that from too. 🙂 You have sucked your thumb since you were a couple of weeks old. It’s your comfort. Often times I will look over and see you sucking your thumb and rubbing your ear, soothing yourself like you have always done. It’s an endearing little quirk about you that I honestly love.

Each night during special time you are quick to be the first one to ask “what’s your favorite thing?” I tell you my favorite part of the day and then ask you yours. 95% of the time you respond “going to the pool” or “sledding.” I then remind you that you didn’t do either of those today, but alas, you are convinced. Apparently those few memories were some fond ones.

You make this particular face with your eyebrows furrowed and it cracks me up every time. Your personality is so big, and it comes out in these tiny little ways. You walk with a little swag that people constantly comment on. My favorite is when you stick your little hands in your pant pockets and walk around confidently like the little man you are becoming.

At bedtime you and Hazel take turns picking a hymn from your hymnal. Without fail, when it’s your turn to pick, you pick Zacchaeus. You then climb up into the rocking chair and wait for Daddy to sing the “Zacchaeus, you come down from there” part, which is your cue to jump down from the chair. I find it adorable how you so intentionally search for a hymn, when we all know which one you are going to pick.

On that note, you’ve recently started praying at night during our bedtime routine. You kneel down, stick your face in the bed, and begin with “Father, thank you for this day…” It’s how we all start, but of course there’s just something about the way you pray that is absolutely adorable. It’s probably the way you follow it up with “thank you for the beets.” You do love your beets. We can’t hear 90% of what you say since you’re all muffled with your face in the bedding, but it’s adorable, none the less.

We’ve been in Orlando this last week, spending nearly all of our awake time at the pool. You’re generally a daddy’s boy, but since he hasn’t been around this week, you’ve been a Mama’s boy, and I have loved every second of it. In the pool, you wanted Mama nearly all of the time. We had the most special time together. So much laugher, so much fun, so many sweet snuggles. One thing I don’t want to forget is the way you would randomly start speaking out loud biblical truths about Jesus. Just random little things that seemed to come out of nowhere. Sometimes it would be lines from a song, but others it would just be random statements of Truth. It blessed my heart immensely. It makes me think of what Jesus said– “Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Thank the Lord, that these are the treasures flowing out of your heart.

Looking back at some of my notes from a year ago, I loved the way you would lower your forehead down for me to kiss when I would ask you for a kiss. And the way you would walk with your hands clasped behind your back, like a little old man, observing everything as you went. You don’t do either of those so much anymore, yet I can picture it like it was yesterday.

I can’t believe you are two. But at the same time, I can’t believe you are only two. I remember when you turned two I realized that we had been treating you like you were two for quite a while. I guess that’s how it goes when you have a sibling so close in age.

You are completely obsessed with the neighbor boy that lives behind us. He’s around 8, and he rides a dirt-bike up and down our driveway, so it’s the “thing” these days. You pretend to be him, riding your bike (“dirt-bike”) around the house, saying I’m Mason! The other day you had your helmet strap over your mouth and I fixed it for you, thinking it was stuck. You quickly put it back and said, “I’m Mason!” I realized you were wearing it that way to mimic his dirt-bike helmet that covers his mouth. I look forward to watching you grow and learning about all of the things that get you excited and capture your interest.

Speaking of, you and your sister have developed a new interest in tree climbing. I will often find you outside climbing the front tree, up much higher than I feel comfortable with, if I’m being honest. You are learning your boundaries and figuring things out as you go– it truly is such a joy to watch you grow.

A while ago we asked you what nickname you liked best— Theo, Teo, Teddy. We like to call you Theodore, but since so many people keep calling you Theo and we weren’t keen on that nickname, we decided it was time to mention the potential nicknames to you and get your thoughts. You said you liked Teddy, but that was about as far as it went. Until recently when out of nowhere you declared that you want to be called Teddy. And since then you have corrected me multiple times when I introduce you to someone as Theodore. “I’M TEDDY!” You even went so far as to complain to me recently that “Hazel called me Theodore and I want to be called Teddy!” I keep calling you Theodore because, well… that’s your name. But you keep correcting me.. “I’m Teddy.” The ironic thing is, I named you Theodore thinking that we would call you Teddy. But I never started it so you’ve just always been my Theodore.

That being said, if there has to be a nickname, I can’t think of a better one to capture the essence of my sweet, sweet boy.

Our beloved Teddy.

We love you.

Letter from Daddy, written February 4, 2023

Happy 2nd Birthday Theodore

I love you so much my boy!  You have a spirit that is so amazing I find words hard to find to describe.  You are a joy! And you bring it into our family on a regular basis.  I am right now picturing your giant smile which reveals your two dimples and adorable cheeks that accent your twinkling eyes.

It comes out many times with many people and for many different reasons, but it comes out most with mommy and especially Hazel.  You are an amazing brother!  You are up for anything and many times are the one that helps everyone be brave.  You have changed the vocabulary of our home.  Vroom-da-do will now be a rallying cry of our family, replacing ‘let’s go.”

Since you were little you have been so interested in how things work.  I turn around and see you watching and understanding what you are seeing, and I know I need to be prepared for you to try what I just did in the near future.

It has been so fun watching you play in many different environments: the open floor plan of our house where you love to run, be chased, and ride ridiculously fast on your car or bike; the woods where you wanted to go by yourself from the moment you could get down the front steps on your own; the park where you love to go from car to car; the bathtub where you hold your own and bring joy to your sister.

You amaze us with your full sentences and the way you know what is being said and have a reply for pretty much any situation.  We did not expect you to speak so early, but you followed in the steps of your sister and the way you communicate makes us think you are both a year older than you are.  It is good we are celebrating your 2nd birthday so that we can remind ourselves that you are not 3.

My son I pray for you so often and my prayer and blessing for you this year is that your trust in God’s goodness and love will grow in you and keep you bravely and securely exploring the world you have been born into, and that your mother and I are able to set aside our desire for control and be channels of God’s love to you.  You are truly a gift from God a gift that reminds us of His goodness and kindness and care for each person.  We celebrate and thank God for you and bless you and your new year of growth, exploration, and love!

A Letter to Hazel, from Mommy— Two Years

Hazel, my sweet girl. I love you. What an absolute joy it has been to watch you grow over the last two years. It is such an honor to be your Mommy– to love you, to encourage you, to snuggle you, to teach you, to learn from you, to get to know YOU. You are a remarkable little girl, made in the image of a remarkable God. I delight in the person He has created you to be, and as you grow, I want you to have the privilege of looking back to see the journey He has taken you on. I wrote this letter to you a few months after you turned two; a compilation of the little things that I simply don’t want to forget, and that I know you will one day love to know. So here’s to two-year old Hazel Jane– a snapshot from the eyes of your Mama.

You are incredibly intelligent. You know far more than you *should* for a two-year-old. People often ask us how old you are, and then stand amazed when they realize you are far younger than they expected. You talk to us in complete sentences— you have, for a while. You remind us about things we have forgotten about. You finish our sentences when we struggle to find our words. We’ve learned to trust pretty much anything you say, because you are pretty much always right. I joked with Daddy recently that “it’s not easy being the smartest one in the house!” To which he quickly responded– “Don’t worry. You won’t be for long.” What can I say? He’s right! 🙂 

You are such a great encourager. You are constantly encouraging each of us throughout the day. You encourage Theodore as he learns knew skills, and you even encourage me as I go potty. You love to pull up your little stool right in front of me, climb up on it (with my help) and enthusiastically clap your hands, cheering “great job Mommy!!” It never gets old. Someday I will potty in peace and my heart will long for your celebration, of this I am sure. You are even a great encourager to yourself. It’s not uncommon for us to hear “I doin’ a GREAT JOB HAZEL!” when you are doing something that scares you or that you don’t necessarily want to do. You had your first bandaid not to long ago, and you exclaimed “I doing so well!” You call it a “bandy” and I secretly hope you never figure out it’s “bandaid.”

I love the way you remind me, “Don’t scream! Be very, very quiet! Theodore is sleeping!” While pointing your little finger up in the air.

Kisses officially make everything better for you. You tell me about your boo boo— “Hurts very bad. Mama kiss my boo boo.” As soon as I kiss it you excitedly exclaim “Feels so much better!”

Not too long ago I started greeting you after your nap saying something along the lines of, “Hi baby! I missed you while you were napping! Did you sleep good?!” You now wake up from your nap and call out “I sleep good!!” Sometimes you have a hard time falling asleep for your nap, and after a little while of passing time by caring for your baby in your bed, you run to the door and call out “I sleep good!” Those moments are equally adorable and exhausting, as Mama desperately needs you to nap, but you are quite certain that you don’t.

 When Theodore wakes up from a nap you get giddy with excitement when I announce it is time to go get him. Sometimes you hear him before me and exclaim “Teodore’s awake!!!” We run excitedly to my door together, I open it, and you run over to his crib and exclaim “I missed you brother! I missed you while you were sleeping.” I melt into a puddle every time. 

You are constantly remarking on how cute things are. “Look at that deer, Mama! Looks so cute!” Last month we were visiting our friends Fred and BJ. BJ showed us her mosaic frog that she made. Or maybe it was a fish. I can’t remember. But what I do remember vividly is that you picked it up with your little hands wrapped around its face and brought it right up to yours and in the sweetest little voice said “YOU’RE SO CUTE!” We lost it. You were definitely the cute one. 

For a while you were in the habit of saying “I cannot like it” when we offered you something to eat. We would respond, “that’s okay, you don’t have to eat it” but before we finished our sentence you would chime in… “I like it!”

You still don’t have much experience with screens. The extent of your screen time is FaceTiming with loved ones, and watching “pictures of Hazel.” For “pictures of Hazel” we cuddle up together and watch videos of you while we recall favorite memories from the past. It’s so neat to witness how much you “remember” from our videos that have preserved those memories for you!

When we FaceTime, watch old videos, or even when you hear me listening to a Marco Polo, you insist on giving the phone (whoever is on it) a big hug. It’s absolutely precious. You pull the phone to your chest, squeeze it as tight as you can, push it back out to get a good look at it, and then lay a big smooch right on the lips of whoever it is we are talking to. You are such a loving little girl. 

When you were only 20 months old you began finishing the last word on each page of your books, for multiple books. We couldn’t believe how much you were retaining. Now we still stand amazed at how fast you retain things. We can say or read something one time and somehow it just sticks.

When you were not quite 22 months old,  you pointed out that there was a cat in the floor of our bathroom. The floor has laminate tile with little brown lines throughout. Somehow you discovered what could be considered the face of a cat and pointed it out to us. We see it too. And we still stand amazed that you showed it to us.

For the longest time, anytime I would give you a banana you would exclaim “I want peanut butter sandwich on there!” You really only wanted peanut butter, but the sandwich part just made it even cuter.

You’ve been pooping on the potty since you were 15 months old. It’s been a huge blessing for us, to say the least! You like for us to help you (I think you secretly just love the extra focused time together)— we sit on the stool in front of you and place our hands on your belly. You always make sure our hands are in just the right spot. If they aren’t, you promptly say “this side” and move my hands back to the exact spot they need to be for helping. When we are sitting there together we have some fun conversations. I vividly remember once when you were only 22 months old,  you were looking into my eyes and saw yourself in the reflection and said “picture Hazel.” Your eyes lit up as you realized it was you that you were seeing in my eyes. Watching you discover new things and light up over what you are discovering… it’s one of my greatest joys in life. I love seeing the world through your eyes.

I love the way you kiss your brother goodnight each night. You give him the biggest kiss and hug, alternating between “night night brother” and “night night Teodore!”

You’ve taken an interest in Daddy’s wedding ring. He explained it to you, so now you say “I want to get married like Dada! And Mama!”

You really are such a reflection of us, and we see it in many big and not so big ways. One cute thing you do these days is say “Sure!” with this inflection in your tone that perfectly mimics how I say it. You say it often when I answer your question with a long winded “yes” that you feel could have been summed up with sure. It’s adorable.

You love nursing. I have a sneaky suspicion your brother will wean himself before you do. We both love that special time together. We always have. You mostly only nurse at nap time and bed time. But everyone once in a while you will say “I want milk.” To which I will respond, “We’ll have milk at nap time.” You then break out in a huge smile and say “I’m still tired.”

I’m smiling as I write this– you know what you want, and you know how to get it, or at least how to make a very strong effort. I texted a friend recently saying, “I have met my match.” And boy do I mean it. I often have to remind myself that a) you are my daughter, through and through and b) these qualities the Lord has given you will serve you well in life, even if they do exhaust me as I learn to shepherd them.

Lord, help me to shepherd them.

I love you, Hazel.

I love you more than you will ever know.

May these little letters of mine one day serve as a tiny little glimpse into the overwhelming love I have for you! What a gift it is, that to get to love you! 

With all my love, 

Mommy

 

A Letter to Hazel, from Daddy— Two Years

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
‭‭Zephaniah‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Sweetheart this verse is what I began to pray over you most nights when mommy and I are putting you to sleep. This verse has become more precious to me since you were born, actually since you turned 1 year old.

You see, this last year has taught me so much about my own weaknesses and limitations, and I am so glad that you have another father… your Heavenly Father! A Heavenly Father who is near… with us in fact! He lives with us because He created us and He is a mighty savior. How awesome is it that a mighty savior lives with us?! I am so thankful that I can keep you safe, as you explore, climb, and test your bravery, but your Heavenly Father can save you from far more.

I love the way you run across the floor: you are partly trying to go fast, partly trying to make noise, and partly dancing with joy!!! I delight in you and I love when you are delighting in this world God has made. I am so glad God delights in you, and it brings Him gladness. It is not only mommy, God, and me that you bring delight and gladness to. Your little brother Theodore absolutely loves you and you have made him laugh harder than anyone. There are people all over the world that watch the videos and pictures mommy posts of you and have shared how much joy you bring them. You brighten our family and we love you so much (Ugga-mugga)!!!

This year you have learned about many new things, and sometimes these new things have scared you or made you nervous: our neighbors robot lawn mower, booms (thunder), fireworks, etc. Through all of these new and intimidating experiences you have learned: daddy is with me and God is with me. I am so glad that God is with you and that His love for you can calm all fears!

At the end of this second year of life you have really begun to sing. I can’t take credit, God made you like singing and to pick up on so many songs. I still can’t believe that you sing Holy, Holy, Holy!! I love how when you sing Jesus Loves Me, you say, “little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He be strong”. And the way you sing Jesus loves the little children and you emphatically say: “red, black, white they are precious in my sight”, while pointing and thumping your chest 🙂 And that your favorite song for us all to sing along to is Do, Re, Mi. Again, how did you pick up that song? I love it!!! It is from one of my favorite movies and I love singing it with you.

We are celebrating your birthday in West Chicago this year with Papa and Mimi, your Uncles and Aunt, and your cousins. You remembered their house and couldn’t wait to take the short walk to the prairie path and sing inside the tunnel that goes under North Ave. I see so much of your Heavenly Father in you. You love singing and so does He, because He rejoices over us with joyful singing!!! He sings over you Hazel 🙂

My beautiful little girl, my prayer for you this year is that you would continue to grow above and beyond my control, ability, and dreams. That you grow more like the person of your Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. That you delight in everything they have made in this world, and have made you to be, and that you reverberate the gladness of God’s heart towards you. We pray and seek to guard your heart, because from it comes the wellsprings of life! I pray that you know how much God loves you and that you experience His love and mighty saving power in your life and it leads you to put your childlike love, faith and full trust in Him for your whole life! I pray that you hear and understand the songs the Father sings over you and it brings you fullness of joy, which is not reliant on anything or anyone, even your mommy and I.

Hazel Jane Anderson, I love you so much and I am so proud of you. I am so thankful to God that He made us a family by creating you. I am so full of joy, love, and hope as we celebrate your second birthday today!!! Happy Birthday my beloved daughter! 🙂

Love,

Daddy

Catching up: Christmas and Life These Days

Well, I’ve officially posted 3 blog posts in the last 5 days, and I am now starting my 4th. I have such a strong desire to document LIFE, but I can’t figure out the best way to do so. I am grateful for social media and the ease of being able to share updates with family and friends, but I am also highly aware of how much it takes from me if I let it. I have taken the last few weeks to try to figure out the best way to maintain a healthy balance moving forward, and quite honestly, I don’t have an answer. But I do know that I have enjoyed the break, while simultaneously feeling a combination of sadness and guilt that I haven’t been sharing our sweet girl with those who love to keep up with her. That being said, for now I am going to share an update here, where we can easily come back as a family at later dates and see all of our updates in one place.

And where I’m not limited to whatever character limit Instagram currently feels is appropriate, because we all know I love to talk.

Hazel turned 16 months old on December 28th. I shared an update on Instagram/Facebook on November 29th (reposted to the blog here), so this post is just catching everyone up on the last month and documenting for myself all that I love about who she is TODAY. It truly is remarkable how much changes with each day that passes! One month seems like nothing, but looking back on my little yellow note in my phone at all of the things I’ve jotted down randomly throughout the days and I can see so much has changed!

In the last month, we have hosted my sister and brother-in-law, celebrated our first Christmas with just our immediate family, celebrated a New Year, and have prepared to welcome another member of our family! Many sweet memories have been made, and our hearts are full as we reflect on the blessings of life these days!

Our time with Ashley and Andrew (sister and brother-in-law) was such a treat! We haven’t seen them since last Christmas, so it was a very welcome visit! Hazel is (obviously) quite different than the last time we were all together, so it was a real joy to make memories together at this super interactive and fun age! Ashely and Andrew brought their dogs (Biscuit and Gravy :)) which made the visit especially delightful for Hazel; she absolutely LOVES dogs. We are already missing their family and are looking forward to our next visit together.

Christmas this year was quite different than any Christmas I’ve ever experienced; it was my first Christmas without my (or Jeremy’s) family! Baby #2 is due January 16th, so we felt it was wisest to not travel, in the event that baby decided to come early! We wanted to make sure we were within a reasonable driving distance from the birth center. How silly of me to think I might have a baby early. 😉 Anyways, we made the most of this unique year of it being just us; we had a lovely, slow, intentional day. Our gift to Hazel was a kitchen set, so we had that set up for her to see when she woke up. Our friends gifted her a teepee tent, so we also set that up for her, right next to the kitchen set. We started our morning like we always do, reading together in her room. Before coming out, we told her there was a surprise out in the living room. She wasn’t familiar with the word surprise, so she kept repeating it back to us. It was so sweet how she attached to that word and curiously made her way into the living room. Her friend, Rae, has the exact same kitchen set, and her friend, Solace, has a very similar tent– she had such a blast playing with theirs, that we knew she would be thrilled to have her own. A few weeks in and we can confirm, we were right!

Click here for a sweet little video of Christmas morning with Hazel.

Side note: Our original plan was to give her a Kitchen Helper for Christmas, but Mama couldn’t wait to give her that, so we ended up giving that to her a little early. For anyone on the fence about whether it is a worthwhile investment, I would say if your child is showing an interest in helping and being a part of things in the kitchen, then you will get a resounding YES from Jeremy and I– so very worth it.

Back to Christmas day. We then decided to make some breakfast together. We wanted it to be a special but quick breakfast, so we went with egg and sausage biscuits, using Annie’s Biscuits. Hazel got to help with breakfast, which was such a blast. She especially loved baking the biscuits. She was quite tempted to eat the dough, but we kept trying to explain we had to bake them first. Jeremy got a great video of our dialogue. 🙂

After breakfast we read and sang together before opening the rest of our Christmas gifts. A few family members sent Hazel some gifts, so she had a great time unwrapping them and playing with her new toys! We had a VERY white Christmas (over 3.5 inches of snow) so we spent the rest of the day cozied up together, snuggling, reading, and filling our home with lots of imaginative play. It was a very special Christmas that will forever hold a dear place in our hearts!

Some more videos of our morning together:

Hazel with her new Care Bears, Hazel’s new phone, Hazel’s new doll.

Not only was it very snowy, but the temperature was way below freezing, so we didn’t make it outside to enjoy the snow until the following day. Jeremy built Hazel a pretty impressive snowman; she wasn’t quite sure about giving up her carrot for his nose, but we convinced her she could have another carrot when we got inside. (Recalling this day, pretty sure we forgot to give her another carrot. Whoops. )

A little unsure about sledding with dad.

Life with Hazel these days is such a joy. I mean, life with her has always been a joy, but man, this age is GOLD. Her personality is the best. Sweet, loving, joyful, determined, funny, helpful, eager, caring, compassionate, curious. She’s incredibly smart, which continues to blow our minds! We’ve completely lost count of the number of words she knows, as she’s picking up new ones every day. I love to sit back and watch her with a book; the way she can sit there for an extended period of time, just staring at the page, taking in everything that she is seeing. The way she looks up at me with such a sparkle in her eye as she tells me all of the things that she sees. I am amazed at how much she knows! Her love for books is unmatched.

Sitting in her tent, reading.

Often times the first word she says in the morning when she wakes up is “BOOK!” She beelines it for the bookshelf in her room, carefully pulling down the exact book she is looking for. Her current favorite is a book we picked up from the little free library at the playground called “The Lord’s Prayer” by Rick Warren. She calls the book “Amen.” (Short “a.”) She asks for it multiple times a day. Her favorite page is shown below:

She grabs our hand and puts it over the adult hand, making sure to align it as best as she can, all the while joyfully saying “hand.” She then does the same thing with her hand. It’s so interesting the things that stand out to her– the things that make such an impression on her that when we are sitting in her tent together and I say the word “hand,” she says “Amen” and goes to her room to get her book. It blows my mind. In the best way.

I’ve done a terrible job of documenting things the way I imagined I would. Her baby book is essentially empty, and the one-year Shutterfly book I intended to make for her first birthday is still up in my mind somewhere. The one thing I do to help myself remember the moments I never want to forget is keep a running yellow note on my iPhone of miscellaneous thoughts. It’s a jumbled mess that wouldn’t mean much to anyone but me, but it is cherished, nonetheless.

So here are some of my favorite things about life with Hazel right now, from my jumbled sticky note mess.

“Der yu go.” (There you go.) Anytime she hands us something, der yu go. She LOVES to help unload the groceries. We put the bags on the floor and she goes through and pulls out every item that she can lift, and makes a strong effort on the items that are simply too heavy. Grunting as she does, of course. She pulls the items out of the bag, lifting them up to me. Der yu go. Same thing with unloading the dishwasher. Der yu go.

“Tank you.” (Thank you.) She has the best manners of any 16 month old I know.

“Walk!!!” She LOVES walks, and is always asking for them, despite the fact that we haven’t been on many lately. She doesn’t forget.

“Rock!” She always loves to rock in the rocking chair, and lets us know when she wants to rock. Anytime, my love. Anytime.

“Nack!” (Snack) The way she asks for a snack by saying “nack” and simultaneously tilting her head to the side, putting her hand on her ear. We have no idea where this came from or why she does it, but it’s hilarious and cute and I never want it to stop.

“Cheeeeeeese.” The way she says “cheese” for a photo is so intense! And adorable.

“Joos!” (Juice) Hazel is REALLY into juice these days. And by “juice” I mean, cold-pressed, green juice. The stuff I sometimes have to hold my breath to drink because, well, it’s not that tasty. But Hazel? Girl can’t get enough of it! She asks for it multiple times a day, drinking over 8 ounces of it at a time! It blows my mind! Major dad win for Jeremy, who randomly picked it up at the store a few weeks ago. I was certain she would turn her nose on it, but instead, we have successfully convinced our child that THIS is juice. She’s never had any other type of juice (apple, orange, grape, etc.) so we are milking this as long as we can!

“Yeah?? Yeah!!” Probably one of my favorite things right now is the way she says “YEAH?” (as a question) to confirm something, and then follows it up with an excited “YEAH!” exclamation. This probably happens most frequently when we tell her to go get a book. She will confirm 10x, “BOOK?” We will respond, “yeah, book!” To which she responds, “YEAH???” We say, “yeah!” She responds “YEAH!” Gosh, I wish writing this did justice to the cuteness of these exchanges. It’s so great.

Hazel is really into tickling toes right now. The best part is when she tickles toes in books! 🙂 Throughout December we were reading a book called “Who Is Coming to Our House,” by Joseph Slate. It’s a sweet little book about the farm animals making room in their house for Mary and Joseph and ultimately baby Jesus. Each time we got to the page with Mary sitting down on the ground with her legs extended, Hazel tickled her toes, exclaiming “tickle, tickle.” Gold, I tell ya. This age is gold.

When Hazel moves her kitchen helper around the kitchen, she says “beep, beep, beep;” I taught her to say that when backing up her Frozen car, but she has now associated it with moving anything throughout the house.

When we are sitting on the couch (or anywhere for that matter) she will put her hand on us and push us back, saying “back.” If we are sitting and she wants us to get up, she puts her hands under us says “up.” We confirm, “you want me to get up?” “Yeah! UP!” Girl knows what she wants.

“Beeet!” (Brush teeth!) She loves to tell us it’s time to brush her teeth, and the way she says it right now is so cute! She smiles real big and touches her teeth while saying it. She’s real excited about the idea of brushing her teeth, but still puts up a fight at times to get it done. One day she’s real into it, and the next she’s over it before we start. Toddlerhood at it’s finest.

Speaking of being aware of her hygienic needs, I am so pumped to say that Hazel graciously decided to spare us from extra work in the diaper changing arena; she is officially pooping only on the potty! Whoop whoop! It’s been about a month and a half since we’ve had to change a poopy diaper! (Actually, I take that back. We had to change one last week because, despite her pleas to go “poo poo,” I tried to buy some more time and it backfired on me. I felt so awful! Mom fail, for sure.) We knew when we tried EC (elimination communication) that there were benefits worth the effort, but we certainly didn’t expect her to be pooping 100% on the potty by 15 months! We’ll take it! 🙂

“Trash!” Hazel is recently very excited about taking things to the trash. And 95% of the time, it’s legitimately trash, so we are excited about it as well! 😉 I’m telling you, this kid LOVES to help. Anything she can do to help, she is on board!

This last week Hazel has attached to a Waterloo sparkling water can. Haha! Writing that out loud makes me chuckle. She walks around holding it, pretending to drink it, and making sure to keep a hand on it at all times. It’s hilarious watching her try to figure out how to accomplish whatever task it is that she is working on, while also maintaining a grip on her can.

She is incredibly affectionate! She is such a hugger and a kisser! She blows kisses to people walking by, she hugs and kisses the phone when talking to her Nonnie, she hugs and kisses babies and animals in her books. She LOVES hugging and kissing baby in Mama’s belly. Recently she fell asleep in my arms while nursing, lifted herself up in her sleepy slumber, kissed my belly, and then fell right back asleep. I was a puddle.

“HAPPY!!” Another top favorite right now is the way she randomly says “HAPPY!” when she is happy. Guys. It melts us. Every time. We will have just finished reading a book, singing, dancing, or the best– just sitting all together laughing and loving on one another, and she exclaims out of nowhere, “HAPPY!” We respond, Mama/ Daddy is happy too baby! It’s absolutely precious and such a testimony to the joy inside her little heart.

Goodness, I could go on and on, but for the sake of getting this blog posted before we have any more major life updates (baby #2, we are ready when you are), I think that is a good place to wrap it up! My hope and prayer is that this update on our happy little girl leaves you with a feeling of happiness as well! Despite all that is going on in the world today, there truly is so much beauty to be seen and celebrated; we just have to notice it.

We are grateful for this journey, and are grateful for the opportunity to share it with loved ones! Thank you for loving us well, checking up on us when we suddenly go MIA, and giving me a reason to be more intentional about documenting this beautiful, challenging, but oh-so-worth-it journey.

Disclaimer: Jeremy snapped this picture the other day, of Hazel and I as we wrapped up baking cookies and started dinner together. As I’ve said throughout this entire post, this age is so much fun; making memories together like the one captured above is so dear to my heart. That being said, this age and season of life is also incredibly challenging! I imagine having a 16 month old in and of itself would be challenging enough, but add to it being 9 months pregnant and the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual challenges that accompany that and, well, momming these days definitely wears on me. These last few days in particular have been exceptionally hard.

I share this to say, as we all know, there is always more to the story than what we see. I never want to make it seem as though everything is perfect over here in the Anderson household, because it certainly isn’t. We have the same challenges that you and your family have, and I am an open book when it comes to sharing and connecting over those challenges! That being said, this disclaimer serves two purposes.

First, just wanting to keep it real and say if you are in the trenches of parenting right now and trying to balance the overwhelming joy and the overwhelming weariness, you’re not alone. Me too. I’m happy to be a listening ear and a voice of encouragement if you find yourself in a similar place. We can speak truth to one another! 🙂

Second, we welcome your prayers! Especially in these last days before our second child arrives. I have been intentional to soak up these days of it being just Hazel, but I also notice myself getting more and more uncomfortable, more and more impatient, and less and less of the Mama that I want to be for her right now. Would you pray specifically for grace, patience and wisdom for Jeremy and I as we learn how to parent a toddler? Would you pray for Hazel that she would grow in her desire and ability to obey? Pray that God would continue to prepare her little heart for the changes that are coming. Pray for all of us that we would be led by the Holy Spirit in every moment of every day.

It’s becoming more and more clear to me, He is the only answer. We simply need more of Him.

I linked a handful of videos throughout the blog, so be sure to check them out if you are would like! Here are a few more videos, and some favorite photos of the last month and a half:

Hazel climbing her Pikler Triangle.

Hazel climbing an 8 ft. ladder. No big deal.

Hazel climbing up our insanely long and steep driveway.

There seems to be a trend here… 🙂

Hazel, the little homemaker.

We went to a friends wedding recently. Hazel had the time of her life, dancing around making friends with everyone!

Always climbing. Always.

The four of us. 🙂

After we made it up our driveway, hands in pockets teaching her how to keep her hands warm (after touching the snow.)

Post bath hair! Lucille Ball!

Book snuggles.

Shopping with Mom.

Baking cookies with Mom!

Making morning oatmeal!

Christmas tree adventures!

So very grateful. ❤️

A letter from Daddy – One Year

Jeremy wrote this letter to Hazel and read it to her on her first birthday. As I attempt to make this blog a place to document life together, it only seemed appropriate to include it here, along with the letter that I wrote to her (admittedly much later).

As I re-read this letter, I can’t help but be filled with joy and gratitude for a husband that loves our daughter so well. His intentionality with her. The way he consistently points her to the Lord. The way he cherishes every single moment.

I absolutely adore the way he adores her.

The way she adores him.

It truly is one of the sweetest gifts to my Mama heart.

Just really, really grateful.

We sat on the bed, you lay in our arms. Mom held you at arms length, so that we could both look at you through the lens of the decision we had just made. We wanted to be sure. Sure, because our decision would affect the rest of your life.

It was hard to be sure, because only minutes earlier we were all in a tub filled with blood, poop, and who knows what else. We took turns getting clean… mommy first. I got to hold you, look at you and focus my thoughts… you were cleaned and swaddled and given to Mommy. In the meantime I went to clean up as quickly as I could so I didn’t miss your first moments. We had to give a name before we left the birth center and I wanted to get to know you as much as possible before the decision.

-“I think Hazel”,
-“Me too!”
-“Jane means God is gracious.”
-“Perfect!”
If you had been a boy your middle name would have been John, which means the same thing.
-“Hazel Jane- it sounds so good together.”
-“But, are you Hazel, there was another name? Hazel doesn’t mean anything it is just a color. The color of our eyes.”

“Hazel Jane – Gazing into the graciousness of God”

That is our prayer for you! That is the meaning of your name. Daddy says so.

On the day you were born you gazed at a completely different world. Let there be light! On the day you were born. Let there be movement of forms! Let there be loud, clear sounds! Let there be color!

You couldn’t do much more than gaze and cry and we loved you for it! We loved to care for you. To gaze into your focused unknowing eyes when you were awake, and gaze upon your face as you slept peacefully, and when you smiled in your sleep, we melted. What were you dreaming about? Did you understand your dreams more than what you observed?

On the day you recognized me as your daddy, your gaze lit me up! I would do anything to bring joy to you. You always had such a strong neck and could hold your head up since the first week of life. I would lay you on my chest, so that when you held your head up we would be face to face. You have the most joyful smile and smiling eyes that shine!

Today you are one and you gaze at a world that is small and you have made sense of much of it. You point at everything to tell me all that you are taking in. You even know how to focus your attention away from mommy and daddy, to objects you know are not for you. You care for your stuffed animals the way we cared for you. What you have gazed at you pass on and bless others!

Hazel you have taught me how to gaze at the world and heaven differently. I love being your daddy! My prayers for you after your first year of life is:
⁃ That as you understand more and more of what you see, you will respond to the Holy Spirit’s call and be born anew and truly gaze into the graciousness of God.
⁃ That you will lift your head and come face to face with your Heavenly Father and recognize Him. He is the creator, He loves you, and is always with you.
⁃ That you will point out what you are making sense of in God’s world and pass on to others the care you have received from your Heavenly Father!

You will continue to understand more of what you gaze at, and you will continue to light up many lives, just as you have mine!!! We are blessed to gaze at the world through you!! I love you sweetheart!! – Daddy

15 Months with Hazel Jane

(Originally written on 11/29/20.)

Yesterday marked 15 months of having our sweet Hazel Jane in our arms. I seriously can’t believe it’s already been 3 months since her first birthday! Where has the time gone?! 3 more months of me being the biggest procrastinator I’ve ever known. So much for that one year blog I started but never posted. I really do plan to hit “publish” one day on it, so I’m not going to back track on an update today, but instead share some of our favorite things about our 15 month old Hazel Jane.

Her joy is still just as contagious as ever. She has the sweetest spirit that continues to melt our hearts by the minute. We are constantly saying to one another “she is so precious.” She really is!

She also has a feisty side of her that keeps us on our toes. She has strong opinions about certain things and she knows how to make them known. One of the funniest things right now is the offense she takes at things being in order. Blocks lined up, towers built… whatever is in line, she doesn’t just enjoy destroying it like most toddlers; she legitimately gets offended by it and destroys it with a very serious and intense “nooooo.” It’s hilarious and sometimes exhausting and leaves us wondering what’s behind it in her little mind. We can’t wait to get to know her more and more!

Hazel can say quite a few words very clearly (no , bible, apple, baby, up, amen, more, boot, night night, car, ball, go, poo poo, knee, neck, nose, daddy/dada, mama) and there’s others that she can say less clearly but that we can understand (airplane, potty, out there, banana, bow, dark, milk, brush teeth, bird, water, off, Hazel). It’s remarkable how many words she repeats back to us; it seems like she’s learning at least one new word a day lately!

In general, Hazel is incredibly good at communicating! She tells us when she’s ready to go night night (even walks us to the room or sometimes just lays down right on the spot) and also tells us when she needs to go poo poo. If we don’t take her when she tells us, she just keeps telling us and walks herself to the bathroom. If that doesn’t get our attention, she simply brings us her potty.

Some other fun things I want to remember about this age:

Hazel loves to dance; as soon as Alexa starts playing music she runs with giddy excitement over to the speaker and begins dancing.

She is really captivated by classical music. Jeremy started her young on some of his favorites, and it has definitely paid off! Her and daddy love to dance to Camille Saint-Saens and Tchaikovsky, and love relaxing to Claude Debussy.

She absolutely loves to read; she would read all day if that were an option. I especially love the way she backs her little bottom up into my lap with a book in hand.

Shoes are a current favorite. It doesn’t matter whose shoes or how big, you can almost guarantee if shoes are in sight, they will soon be in her hands or on her feet.

I adore the way Hazel pats our backs while giving us hugs. It melts my heart every time.

Her favorite way to go down the slide is on her belly. But she’d much rather climb up a slide than go down it anyways.

The way she says “nooo” makes it difficult to keep a straight face. She’s got a lot of passion in there!

Hazel is still really into buckles, especially the buckles on her booster seat. She’s got incredible focus for such a young age.

She loves all of her babies so very much, including the one in mama’s belly! She loves pushing babies in strollers and giving them big hugs and kisses! No matter where she goes, if there is a baby there, she will find it and be sure to smother it with all of her love!

She’s continuing to develop her great climbing skills! It’s not uncommon to turn around and find her on something other than the ground.

I love the way she pulls her sandwiches apart and takes the first bite right into the center of the bread, essentially smashing her entire face into the sandwich.

She likes to eat her carrots like corn on the cob. Her go-to breakfast is still a massive amount of oatmeal with blueberries on the side. She eats a banana a day. She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen walking around eating her apple whole.

She loves to identify her body parts! Her current favorites are her knees and neck.

Hazel is such a great road-tripper. It’s certainly not always smooth sailing, but by and large, she is a champ! She loves her carseat and is so great at independent play in general that she does a great job of entertaining herself in the car. We love just listening to her chat to herself back there, saying “hiiiii” and “knee” and anything else that excites her. She loves singing, especially in the car!

She is the best little helper around the house. She loves to be given a task to help, and takes great pleasure in being able to contribute! She’s especially good at unloading the dishwasher, dusting, and taking clothes to the laundry room.

Goodness, I could go on and on! What a joy and privilege it is to raise little ones?! To be the ones to shepherd their little hearts, ultimately pointing them back to the One who allowed us this gift to begin with!

Hazel is truly the happiest, most joyful little girl we know! We get remarks on it constantly, and we can’t help but agree, thank the Lord, and pray her joy points others back to Him. It’s such a beautiful gift to be her Mama and Daddy. We are so grateful for 15 months of living life with our beloved Hazel Jane! We love you, baby girl!

(Some favorite photos from months 13-15.)

A letter to my daughter

Hazel Jane, my darling, I love you.

I love you more than those three words can convey. I finally understand the phrase, “I love you so much, it hurts,” as I find myself thinking and saying that often. It’s true. This love is a love like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And I’m just so incredibly grateful that I have the honor, blessing and privilege of experiencing it with you.

August 28th marked 1 year of having you in my arms.

One year of feeling like I’m going to explode from the joy I experience, being your Mama.

One year of nursing you around the clock, soaking in our special, sacred time together.

One year of watching you grow, learn and explore.

One year of experiencing this love that I’m afraid I will never be able to explain.

For your first birthday I wanted to write you a letter, simply documenting what I love most about this season with you. I’m a handful of months late so some things have changed as of the date of this letter, but this truth remains: Hazel, my darling, I absolutely adore you. ❤️

At 12 months:

You love to sing! You’re not a fan of getting your face wiped down after a meal, so one day I started trying to distract you by asking you if you wanted to sing with Mama. I started to sing “la la la la la la la la la” and you quickly joined in. You’re a great singer!

You “swam” in the river for the first time!

You love hiding behind your rocking chair and playing hide and seek!

You LOVE when I get on the floor on my hands and knees and growl at you; I’m pretty sure it makes you laugh harder than anything else!

You LOVE foot kisses. Each night when we put you to bed, mommy and daddy sing “Jesus Loves Me” over you, with the following added first that Mama made up during our last visit to Chicago:

It is time to go to sleep. I hope and pray your rest is deep. When you wake we’ll get to play. For now it’s time for me to say— sweet dreams my baby, sweet dreams my baby. Sweet dreams my baby, I love you very much.

After we sing, daddy prays over you while Mama continues to nurse you. When he is done praying, no matter how sleepy you are, you stick your little foot straight up in the air and wait for daddy to kiss it. Often times you do this while remaining latched and nursing. 🙂 It’s the sweetest thing that absolutely melts our hearts every time.

You love the slide at the playground! You’re especially interested in the big kid slides— you’ll stand in front of them longingly signing for “more” as mama tries to explain that you aren’t quite big enough yet.

I’ve lost count of the number of skinned knees/chins you’ve obtained. At first I felt bad about it but your daddy keeps reminding me it’s a sign of a good childhood, and that you’re simply following in his steps of never experiencing a day of childhood without something skinned. 😅

You and I do this real fun thing where we make super excited faces at one another.

You love bananas! They are your favorite snack.

You reeeeally love blueberries and oatmeal. You eat them both (almost) every single day for breakfast.

When I tell you it’s time to brush your teeth, you walk to the chair that we typically sit in to brush them. When we say it’s time for a night night nap, you walk to the rocker in your nursery, where I put you to sleep. When I ask you “where’s the cat,” you sit on the floor at our bed, lift the bed skirt, and find the cat. When we ask you to find any specific baby or stuffed animal, you bring it to me. When I exclaim “there’s a deer,” you quickly run to the door to see for yourself! It amazes us that at 12 months you are already able to not only understand so much, but to make so many connections!

You LOVE when we sing the ABC’s. We started singing it more frequently during car rides when you are ready to get out and be home. Sometimes we sing the song 10x in a row for you, and we delight in your response every time! If we stop singing, you simply joyfully ask for more!

You do this cute little thing where you put your bottom two teeth over your top lip when you are focused and tired.

You love to back up and sit in our lap over and over.

You like putting a diaper on granny bear.

As soon as music starts playing you run to Alexa and start dancing!

You are incredibly observant! You always have been!

You proved everyone right and started walking very early, around 10.5 months; you haven’t slowed down since! It’s so much fun to watch you explore the world around you, now that you get to control where you go! You were made for adventure, just like your Daddy and Mommy!

Hazel Jane, my darling girl, we simply adore you and all that the Lord has created you to be. We are so grateful for one whole year of loving you and watching you grow into the little girl that stands before us today! We love you. So very much.

Huge thank you to Nia Capri Photography for capturing these sweet photos of our family as we prepared for our girl to turn ONE! For those interested in seeing the full gallery, click this link: https://niacapriphotography.pixieset.com/hazelsone/

In memory of our beloved Gabby girl 💕

Gabby girl. 12/28/2005 – 12/3/2019. Forever in our hearts.

Today marks one week since we said goodbye to our beloved Gabby girl. I’ve been dreading sharing this update, as I honestly don’t have the words to fully express what my heart feels. There is someone missing in our home right now, and it simply doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel real.

But the reality is, our sweet girl is no longer with us. She is finally free from pain, and peacefully resting in our woods where she always wanted to be. And our hearts are sad. We miss her so much. We told her we would gladly take 5 more years of cleaning up her poop if she wanted to hang on a little longer.

But that’s the thing, she was hanging on. And her sweet body was just too weak to hang on any longer. Her body that had been letting go for so long, threatening to but never able to steal her joy and LIFE! Goodness our girl was so full of life! No matter what her body felt, her heart was happy, her spirit was as sweet as could be, and she was ready to go on any adventure you had to offer her!

We really believe this last year was a bonus year! She was declining in health while living in the Fayetteville heat, but as soon she came to live with us in the fresh mountain air, she came to life again! She turned into a completely different dog! She was free to wander as she pleased, and she loved to do just that! She lived for her walks, where people would constantly stop us to pet her and tell us how sweet she was, something we knew very well! She loved people SO MUCH! She wanted to be wherever the people were. Social as could be.

We are just so very grateful for this last year that we had with her in our home (thank you mom and dad 💕) and for the 12.5 years my family had with her before. Jeremy and I got married April 28th, and she started living with us around July 4th. She was family. She is family. And now our family is missing one of its members. Goodness do we miss her.

Oh Gabby girl. I dreaded sharing this post, I think partly because it makes it feel too real. And I simply don’t want it to be real. I want to tell you “Bye Gabby I love you! We’ll be back!” each time I leave the house. I want to walk through the front door and be greeted by my joyful, excited girl, ready to go on her walk. I want to be followed around by you jumping with excitement begging me to take you NOW. I want to run and jump with you all the way to the car, you acting as if you were 10 years younger. I want to get you in our car and watch you light up with joy the entire drive, knowing we were going to your happy place. I want to stop one-million times on your walk, so you can smell all the smells your heart desires to smell. I want to hear and see you at my feet each night in the kitchen, begging for your carrot with peanut butter. I want to wake up in the middle of the night hearing you panting at our bedside, asking to go outside. I simply want you here with us.

I miss you Gabby girl. I love you. So, so much. Thank you for giving our family the gift and joy of loving you! You will always hold such a special place in our hearts.

And to our sweet friends that loved on our girl with us over this last year, thank you! We are grateful that we know she knew she was loved. We are grateful that you showered her with love when we weren’t around to do so.

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. 💕

In memory of our beloved girl, some of our favorite memories with her:

This was the week she ended up living with me and Jeremy! My parents were visiting for July 4th and when it came time for them to go home and for us to say bye to Gabby, I just sat on the floor with her and cried. And just like that my parents (and Jeremy ☺️) graciously agreed to let her stay with us.

Running around like she wasn’t an old lady with bad arthritis. She was ALWAYS so young at heart. Perhaps that’s why we were such bff’s. ☺️

Playing soccer with everyone! Always in the action! I love the video below! It reminds me of how youthful she was, even in her old age.

She LOVED car rides!! She would run and jump around like crazy all the way to the car! Sometimes I wondered if she liked the car ride more than walk, but then we would start walking and I remembered she just loves the whole experience!

Outside was her favorite place to be! Whether it was wandering around our yard or (her real favorite) at the park, she came to life anytime she was outside. Gabby and I spent most of our walks at the Greenway, but Jeremy and Gabby loved to seek out different adventures each time they walked together! Gabby went with us on picnics, to Music at the Park on Friday nights, and much more! We loved bringing her with us– we knew how much she loved it as well! She truly was part of the family.

Hanging out together in the shade under the tree at our house! 

Jeremy affectionately called her Queen Gabby the Demure. She was always so go-with-the-flow, especially when it came to little ones. She let our friends’ kids walk her around all the time. We never once had to worry about her with little ones!

We made many fun memories inside too! Gabby was always where the people were, especially if the people were in the kitchen. 😉 Anytime we were in the kitchen, she expected to get her peanut butter on a carrot (it’s how we gave her medicine at night). I loved capturing her many positions for lounging around the house!  

Biscuit always tried to steal her bed! Sisters!

This was when we first brought home her new bed! She was funny not wanting to get off it long enough to eat! 🤣

Always at my feet, wherever I went. 💕

That time we took her into The Local Lion with us! 🤣

Steve loved to lay on top of Gabby. Again, Queen Gabby the Demure. 💕

This is one of the last pictures we took of her. Her and Zoey did NOT get along, so when Jeremy found the two of them laying next to each other, he joked that it was the classical music we had playing. 🙂

I love her. So much.

Christmas 2018. Our last Christmas with our girl. Grateful mom got the pups matching PJs. Grateful for this pic. 💕

A sight I often woke up to.

A sight I often when to bed to.

A sight I often came home to.

My baby girls, on the last day with our Gabby girl. A picture I will cherish forever.

I miss you. I love you. I’m so, so grateful for you. 💕

 

3 Weeks with Hazel Jane

August 31, 2017. 2 years and 1 month have passed since my last blog post. 2 years and 1 month of life lived so fully, it’s hard to even know where to start. I had planned to blog about so many things over the last 2 years, yet somehow this blog has remained untouched. Engagement, marriage, a trip to Bali, a move, a trip to Europe, a job change, a trip to India, pregnancy, and now a baby. So much life lived. So much gratitude.

Perhaps one day I will go back and blog about some of the experiences over the last 2 years that have been “missed” in this little space, but for now, I will focus on the most recent event in the lives of the Anderson’s– the birth of a new Anderson. Our Anderson. Our baby girl, Hazel Jane Anderson. I can hardly believe that this little sleeping beauty wrapped snuggly on my chest right now has been in our arms for 3 whole weeks. 3 weeks ago, while listening to the same playlist that I have on as I write this, our baby girl peacefully entered our arms, and she has scarcely left them since.

I have promised to write out her birth story, and that part IS coming, but for now I want to take a few minutes to simply document the sweetest three weeks of our lives so far; for us, and our family, and any others who are interested in following along on our journey. My plan is to journal weekly. It’s overwhelming to think of how much has already happened and changed in these first three weeks, things that I simply don’t want to forget, so perhaps if I take a few minutes each week to journal, the time will appear to pass more slowly, and not as if I blinked and my child is now heading off to college or something.

I’ve already shared a little about weeks 1 and 2 on Facebook and Instagram, so for the sake of actually finishing and publishing a blog post tonight, I am going to focus this post on her 3rd week with us! Just like her 1st and 2nd weeks, Hazel’s 3rd week here in our arms has been full of so much love and adventure! For starters, we continued to enjoy our time with Jeremy’s parents, Hazel’s Mimi and Papa. I mentioned this last week but I feel it deserves another mention– our families went above and beyond to love and serve us while they were here visiting. We truly are so blessed. And so, so grateful.

Hazel’s first church service! We love and are so grateful for our Damron side of the family! 💕

Hazel’s second church service! We love and are so grateful for our Anderson side of the family! 💕

On Friday of this last week, Jeremy’s parents headed back to Chicago and his brother and his family arrived in Boone! We were so happy to welcome Uncle Eric, Aunt Lauren and cousins Emily, Caleb and Benjamin. We had a couple of hours of overlap which was nice as it was Mimi and Papa’s first time having all of their grandkids together! Our time with Eric and Lauren was short but very full! Hazel enjoyed many snuggles with her Aunt and Uncle and even her older cousin Emily! It made our hearts so happy to have such a full home! We are grateful for their visit and look forward to visiting all together again soon!!

Cousin Emily meeting and holding Hazel for the first time.

Mimi with her two granddaughters!

Uncle Eric bouncing Hazel! He knows what she likes! ☺️

Aunt Lauren meeting baby Hazel and introducing cousin Benjamin!

Hazel’s third church service with more of our Anderson family! We love you guys!

Another highlight of week 3 with Hazel was the start of our Elimination Communication journey! I’m sure most of you have never heard of Elimination Communication (we hadn’t either until we were months into pregnancy) so instead of trying to explain it myself, I will include a link for anyone who is interested: https://godiaperfree.com/elimination-communication/ (Note: I have not read this website, so I may or may not agree with everything that is said, but hopefully it simply gives you an idea of EC!) I stumbled across this idea of EC while looking up how to cloth diaper. It was completely new to me, and quite honestly I was a little skeptical. However, as I began looking into it more, I couldn’t believe the number of success stories I was coming across! Was it really possible to “potty train” your BABY? Well, we had to at least see! 🙂 Week 3 was the week we decided to give it a go, and believe it or not, Hazel is completely on board! She LOVES it. Seriously. Baby girl VERY quickly picked up on the opportunity to not sit in a soiled diaper and she HOLDS IT.  I know. I know. It’s crazy. But it’s our reality right now and we are just so pumped about it because let me tell you… once we do start cloth diapering, it will be a much more enjoyable experience when Mommy is cleaning mostly wet diapers and not dirty diapers as well. And, less diaper rash! Wins all around! 🙂 Way to go, Hazel Jane! Mommy and Daddy are your biggest EC cheerleaders! Can you tell??

Cheering Hazel on during our EC catch! 👏🏼

As I’ve mentioned, we had family in town for the first 2.5 weeks of Hazel’s life. (Disclaimer: I believe Hazel has been “alive” for more than 2.5 weeks. I believe her life started at conception. That being said, for the sake of not having to find a different way of wording things each time I mention her time with us, when I mention something like “first 2.5 weeks of Hazel’s life” it should be understood that I mean her life outside the womb. :)) Jeremy was able to take some full days off of work, and then we decided it would be best for him to work half days for the remainder of his time off. This week was the first week of having no family in town, and it just being Hazel and Mommy each morning. Monday, our first morning together, was GREAT! We made it out of the house by 10:15 am (which is quite surprising considering while family was in town we slept until 10:30 am) and we were at Babes on Blankets by 10:30! Babes on Blankets is a weekly meetup for mom’s of babies under a year. We loved meeting new friends and sharing experiences together. And by “we” I mean “I” — baby girl slept through the whole thing. Typical. We made it home shortly after daddy and took a restful family nap. The rest of our evening was quite lovely. A friend brought us dinner, and after a visit with her, we took our dinner to the park for a picnic and to walk Gabby. Pretty lovely day, right?

Babes on Blankets! She had a blast! 😉

Picnic at the park! Thank you, Amy!

Then day 2 came. Tuesday.

(I should mention here that we are taking a very “baby-centered” approach to caring for Hazel right now. We don’t believe that you can “spoil” a baby, and we also believe that this time is a critical time for babies to develop their joy capacity which will affect them for the rest of their lives. That being said, we are soaking up this time to love on our baby girl and are not making any attempt to regulate her schedule. Right now, among other things, this looks like nursing-on-demand and letting Hazel sleep often in our arms.)

Monday night was not very restful for me. It was the 2nd night in a row that I slept in my nursing chair the entire night. I woke up Tuesday morning and all of the sleepless nights to-date had caught up with me. I was officially sleep-deprived. All I could think about was sleep. However, baby girl had other needs. Like being nursed.

(I should also mention that nursing is still EXTREMELY painful for me. Baby girl has a very shallow latch, which leaves mommy in quite a bit of pain. I’m talking, shards of glass kind of pain. We are working on it, but 3 weeks of a shallow latch does a number on you. Hazel is getting plenty of milk, so it’s not a matter of her not getting what she needs, it’s more of momma feeling anxious about feeding her because I know the pain I am getting ready to endure. Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in life. That our bodies not only grew this little life in our arms, but it is now sustaining that little life through milk from our breasts– don’t even get me started. Truly amazing. For that very reason, I am committed to feeding our girl this way for as long as my body produces milk, but the point is, it isn’t without pain. Come to think of it, didn’t I write a blog about beauty in the pain? Guess it continues to be true. :))

I had already nursed Hazel, and was desperate to now sleep. But not sleep with her in my arms. I NEEDED sleep. Laying on my back without a baby in my arms, sleep. But baby girl needed to be held. And to nurse a little more. I joke that each time Hazel cries to be nursed, I cry a little inside for my breasts. But this time was different. This time, for the first time, I cried real tears with her. I sat there in my bed, holding my sweet, crying daughter out in front of me, and bawled my eyes out. “Hazel baby, it’s okay. It’s okay sweetheart.” I knew what she needed. I knew she needed to nurse again. But she had done a number on me the night before, so the thought of nursing her in that moment was too much to bear. I was deathly tired and in so.much.pain. I drew her close to me and sung the song that I so often sing over her trying to comfort her in any way other than with nursing… “I love you, Lord. And I lift my voice. To wor-ship…” I couldn’t sing for all of the sobs. I stopped singing and just held her close to me. All I could think of was “I need help.” Over and over I said in my head, “I need help.” And as I said that, I thought of the long list of people who have offered help. The long list of people who I knew would be there in a second if I reached out. Yet I didn’t. I made every excuse in the book and ultimately decided not to seek help. It’s not like they could help with the immediate need anyways. Only I could meet that need.

So I mustered up the courage and nursed her. My tears dropping on her sweet little body, by God’s grace I nursed my baby girl. She calmed down. And I calmed down. I swaddled her sweet little body, went to the birthing ball, and bounced until she fell deeply asleep in my arms. And despite knowing how risky it was to try to put her down, I took a leap of faith and laid her down. And guess what! SHE STAYED ASLEEP. Long enough for me to get some food in me (something I am finding surprisingly hard to do these days– strange experience for a foodie like me!) and then lay down beside her and nap for a solid 2 hours! PRAISE THE LORD! We survived.

I share all of that for a couple of reasons. One, because I want to remember. But two, because transparency is really important to me. I would hate to only post the highs of our journey and lead someone to believe that it’s a walk in the park for us. Nursing is beautiful and at the same time so much harder than I ever expected. Sleep deprivation is a real thing, much more real than I ever expected. I want to talk about the difficult parts of our journey too. And if there are any other momma’s out there reading this who are also finding themselves saying “I need help” I want them to know, it’s okay. Me too. And even though I didn’t seek it out this time, I’m determined to seek it out going forward. I’m determined to set aside my pride and my fear of rejection, and for the sake of my sanity and my baby girl, I’m going to share these sweet snuggles with friends going forward. Because I have come to experience first hand that it’s true– it takes a village. Those first couple of weeks we had a village. My mom and then Jeremy’s mom would take Hazel each morning from about 7:30-10:30 am and snuggle with her while I slept in my bed, restfully. It was such a blessing and so very needed.

So, if you get a text from me asking if you want to come snuggle my baby girl, you’ll know why. 🙂

Tuesday evening we had a visit from our incredible doula, Hannah. I will share more about her in our birth story, but just know she is amazing and the visit was such a blessing. After another walk at the park, our baby girl got to meet my sisters best friend, Danielle. Many of you know that my sister, Ashley, joined the Air Force and is currently at BMT “Basic Military Training” in Texas. She left a couple of weeks before Hazel was born, so she hasn’t met her yet. It was really special to have Danielle meet her, and to look forward to Ashley meeting her soon! We love you, Danielle! Thank you for the visit!

Danielle meeting Hazel for the first time!

Tuesday night was much more restful for all of us, so Wednesday was great! 🙂 Hazel and Mommy got up and got ready and made our first trip (by trip I mean 5 minute drive :)) to Samaritan’s Purse to visit daddy at work. We had a delicious lunch and then spent a few hours visiting everyone who prayed our girl into this world! It was a special time! Hazel was unusually wide awake for much of the visit. It was such a treat for everyone to get to see her bright eyed and taking everyone in. We thoroughly enjoyed our visit and the sweet snuggles. It was a great way to spend her 3 week birthday!

So alert for our Samaritan’s Purse visit!

Snuggles with Dayna! Visiting was exhausting. 💕

Meeting Tantine Grace for the first time! 💕

Week three with our sweet girl has been such a sweet treat! It’s remarkable how much she has already changed from day one. We love the increased awake time that we get with her each day– we talk and share stories and just gaze into those beautiful eyes of hers. We love the sweet newborn snuggles that we still get for a little while longer! We know this season won’t last forever so we are grateful for each second of it. Every high and every low are such a sweet gift from the Lord.

Thank you for your continued love and support. And we especially thank you for your prayers! I have never been more grateful for prayers than I am during this season of life! Her birth was such a testimony to the power of prayer that each time someone tells us they have been praying for us I want to squeeze them out of gratitude. We feel your prayers. We know the Lord is answering them. If you would like to pray for us this week, here are some requests:

• Pray for our nursing journey. Pray that Hazel would develop a better latch and that I would begin to heal. Pray that if there is something that is causing her shallow latch, that we would figure it out and would be able to address the issue soon.
• Pray for good health for our family. Jeremy has come down with something and Hazel has a stuffy nose. Pray that Jeremy feels better soon and that Hazel nor I get whatever it is that he has. We will be traveling soon so it is really important that we all are in good health!

We love you all!

-The Anderson’s

 

He brought Africa to me.

I’m a little weary.

I actually just googled that word just to confirm I’m using it properly; I am.

At least, according to dictionary.com. I am “physically [and] mentally exhausted, by hard work, exertion, and strain.” I started to leave the “hard work” part out, because I would never begin to pretend that I work as hard as other people that I know or know of. However,  as I am writing this I am recalling what kept coming to mind last night around 7:30 pm after nearly two hours of tutoring ESL.

“This is hard.” Over, and over, and over. “This is crazy hard.”

So yes, I am weary. In every aspect of the word.

The Lord is (graciously?) opening my eyes to help me see that I am stretching myself way to thin. Between work, babysitting, week night weekly obligations and traveling every weekend, for the past month I’ve been averaging about 37 hours at home each week, and that’s including sleep. (Yes, I just created an excel spreadsheet to calculate that number– what can I say? I’m an accountant. I value accuracy. :))

I woke up yesterday morning completely torn. A part of me couldn’t wait until 5:15 pm, when I would get to see Anna, Patrick, Julianne, Juliette, Debora and Amon– my new friends from Africa! (If you missed my post last week, I encourage you to pause, and go read that post first! You can find it here.) The other (slightly bigger if I’m being honest) part of me was not so excited. When I left my friends last Wednesday, I told them I would be there at 5:15 pm this Wednesday (instead of the normal time of 6:00 pm) so that I could tutor Amon (the father), before taking the kids to ESL tutoring (or “school,” as my friends so endearingly call it). This meant that I would leave my apartment at 6:00 am and not walk back into it until 10:00 pm, and knowing how tired I already was, and how crazy of a work day I had ahead of me, I wanted to cry.

The drive from work to their apartment felt like a small war within. I didn’t feel that I had anything to give to my friends, yet I told them I would be there, and the whole language barrier thing certainly makes it difficult to just changes plans last minute. Something tells me that wouldn’t translate too well. Actually, who am I kidding… it wouldn’t translate at all.

So I drove to their apartment, and I prayed all along the way. When I got there, they welcomed me to come inside. I came in and sat on the couch as they instructed.

Immediately, Anna presented me with her homework. Wait… what?

I saw that the homework was Algebra, so my surprise immediately turned into excitement as I remembered how much I “love” and “miss” Algebra. (Yes, those are words that have actually come out of my mouth recently.) I took the papers that she was presenting me with, confidently accepting the challenge.

I read the first question.

Hmm.. I’m having trouble recalling the answer to that one– terminology has never really been my strong suit. Let me come back to that one. 

I read the second question.

Oh that’s easy. Got it. 

I read the third question.

The fourth… the fifth… and the sixth…

I’ve got nothing. 

Suddenly, my heart was filled with compassion for Anna and Patrick. I know English, and I do [oddly] love Algebra. But I was stumped. How in the world were these two students supposed to complete this homework assignment when they couldn’t even read the language in which the assignment was written?

As I stared blankly at the sheets of paper in my hand, much discussion was going on around me in Swahili. I know not one single Swahili word, so I truly had no idea what was being discussed. I began to look around, to see if I could pick up on anything that would help me to know what was being said. Everyone (literally, every person) made many attempts to communicate to me what they needed me to know, but we weren’t getting anywhere. Amon (the father) left the room and came back with paper in his hands. He studied the paper and then looked up at me and said “homework.” He then put the piece of paper on the table and used his pencil to point to an open spot, and then handed me the pencil. He wanted me to write the word “homework.” Once look at that paper and the last thing I wanted to do was write on it. What I really wanted to do was frame it, and hang it in my home to cherish forever.

It was gold.

What I held in my hands was one of the most beautiful things I had ever held. The African penmanship, the English words next to 2 other languages, the scribbled markings, and the tattered pages all begged to tell a story that I will never fully know.

The family took notice of the worth I had quickly assigned to this “notebook.” Their smiles told me that they understood.

After a few more attempts, I finally understood that Anna and Patrick would be staying home to work on their homework with a friend, and that Amon, Julienne and Juliette would be coming with me to “school.” I wish I could have snapped a picture of Amon, his pressed pants and his fedora-like hat! He was so proud and so excited to be going to school! We piled into my car and ventured on over, everyone ready for an evening of flashcards and ESL books!

The twins worked on flash cards together until another volunteer arrived to help them, while Amon and I immediately got down to business. I needed to gauge a little better where he was with his English, so we started with flash cards. Next thing I knew, his notebook was out, and with every flash card I presented to him, he would write in his notebook. First the English word, then 2 other languages. Then, sometimes, he would draw a picture to remember.

After a round of flash cards, we made our way into the ESL handbook. We reviewed the alphabet, and then moved into an exercise of identifying “what do you see” in the given image. I still can’t believe that we never made it past that page.

For nearly 2 hours, Amon would point to the tiniest detail on the page, waiting for me to tell him what it was, and then write it on the dry erase board for him to copy it into his notebook. It made my heart so happy to watch his face light up as he would remember body parts and quickly point to them, curious to know the English word for that particular part. We laughed EXTREMELY hard together when I presented him with the following image on my phone, just to confirm that he was wanting the word for skull:

He took one look at it and jumped back, a huge smile on his face, shaking his head up and down saying “wi.” Probably wasn’t my brightest idea, but it worked. 🙂

Toward the end of our time together, Amon was saying aloud some of the words he had learned, and he kept trying to pronounce the (silent) “e” at the end of a word. I corrected him, trying to sound the word out for him and make it clear that the “e” is silent.

Next thing I knew, Amon had my dry erase marker and was writing out the vowels, “a e i o u” on the board. I immediately knew where this was going, and I immediately wanted to run. He looked right in my eyes and said, “in Swahili…” and then he proceeded to tell me what the letters sounded like in Swahili. Then he pointed at me and said “In English…?” and threw his hands up.

I hear you loud and clear, Amon.

It was precisely at this point in the evening that the words were on repeat like a broken record going over and over in my head. “This is hard. This is crazy hard.”

How in the world could I explain to someone who does not speak English that sometimes an “o” sounded like “oh” (goat) and sometimes an “o” sounded like “ah” (body) and sometimes an “o” sounded like what a “u” sounds like (foot).

I was in WAY over my head.

And it was crazy hard. 

I did the best I knew how, using lines and “u”‘s above letters to try to explain the sound it would make.

It was crazy hard.

One light in the midst of the chaos was when I looked down to see that he had written “God.” At this point, I had no idea the religious background of my new friends. We had never had a conversation before, let alone a conversation about the Lord, so I had no idea what to make of him writing “God,” but it certainly did stick with me.

We wrapped up our time at “school” and headed back to their apartment. I was hoping that since I spent a little time with them prior to going to “school” that it would be acceptable for me to simply drop them off and not come up. [I was so tired.] I pulled into the parking spot and looked around with a smile, saying “thank you” and “have a good night,” but my smile was met with complete confusion. Amon looked at me, he looked at his apartment, and he pointed up (they live on the second floor). I took the cue– I wasn’t going home.

When I got inside, it was clear that they had been cooking, because the temperature in the apartment had to be pushing 90. Most everyone who knows me knows that I cannot stand to be hot. I hate the heat. 72 in my apartment all day every day, please. I think it’s safe to say a handful of people were worried about me when they found out I was going to Haiti, knowing that I had a rude awakening ahead of me. I was pleasantly surprised when I got to Haiti and was able to handle the heat! It hardly bothered me at all! It was quite miraculous! The second I stepped back into the states again, however, that whole “melting” sensation returned. I think God gives grace for things like Haitian heat.

So here I was, in the states, melting. Couple that melting with the fact that I feel like I am going to pass out at any moment from sheer exhaustion, and you’ve got yourself a dangerous concoction. But there was no way I was leaving. I couldn’t. Nor did I want to, deep down.

Amon and I started saying some of the new words he had learned, pointing at the items in the room as we went.

“Sofa.”

“Table.”

“Bible.”

Come again?

Bible? Did you say Bible? I was quite certain that he said Bible, but I didn’t see a Bible anywhere.

Amon picked up a notebook.

“Notebook.” I said.

Bible… where is a Bible? He definitely said Bible. 

So I decided I wasn’t going to let it go. I repeated, multiple times, softly, but loud enough for him to hear me.

“Bible.. bible.. bible?”

Next thing I knew, it seemed that Anna had told him to look in her book bag. For a Bible?

He pulled out a note book.

He pulled out an ESL book.

He pulled out something with a black binding and a zipper wrapped around it.

A Bible. 

My eyes lit up.

He handed it to me.

I immediately unzipped it and flipped it open.

It looked like a Bible, but it was hard to tell, considering it was in a very foreign language (kinyarwanda, to be exact) . Nothing was in English. How could I confirm? I flipped to the table of contents.

Looks like the Old Testament to me.

Definitely New Testament.

A BIBLE. 

The reality of this potential truth began to sink in:

these are not just my friends– this is my family. 

I poured over that Bible, soaking in everything I could. I turned to John 3:16. I wanted to know what word was “God.” I found what I believed the word to be, then said it out loud. “God,” everyone said. Ah. Yes. “God.” “Yesu.” “Jesus.”

My heart was going to explode with joy.

Good thing it didn’t though, because then I would have missed what happened next.

Suddenly Amon is sitting next to me, phone out, pulled up on it, the Bible. In English. Genesis 1.

“In the beginning…”

Amon began to read aloud, in English. We read together, him reading aloud, my helping him along the way.

Who knows how long we would have read, if Patrick didn’t need my help with homework, and if dinner was not ready to be served. First came the large glass, ready to be filled to the brim with juice. Then came the overflowing plate of rice and beans. It has become a predictable affair, one that I look forward to. This time, Anna blessed the meal. A conversation took place among everyone, and I gathered that Patrick was leaving to go get more milk. We began to eat. Anna’s father shared his plate with Anna, and her mother shared her plate with one of her sisters. I picked up on what was going on, and immediately threw my hands in the air saying, “what about me?!” Everyone laughed, and soon my plate too was being shared.” So we sat there, eating off of one another’s plate… it was hard to not feel like family.

Patrick came back in with two gallons of milk, and gave one to Anna to pour. I was captivated by the way that Anna placed her hands on the milk as her and her father both prayed aloud over the milk before serving it. They had already prayed over the food. But this milk was not present at the time, so they prayed over it as well.

[Funny side note: I love dairy. But dairy does not love me. It hates me, in fact. This does not stop me from indulging in cheese every chance I get, however, it does stop me from indulging in a glass of milk. It’s too dangerous. And not worth it. Not worth it, that is, unless someone who speaks Swahili and no English pours you a 16 oz glass of it, and repeatedly insists that you drink it. Then you smile. And you drink it. And you pray that the blessing they prayed over it somehow removes the danger and hatred it has for your body.]

While we ate dinner, the kids pulled up YouTube videos of African worship– song and dance, in the church! We ate and listened to African music,  dancing in our seats to the catchy beats. There was SO.MUCH.JOY. in that room!

The girls got up to dance, and motioned for me to get up and dance too. No way was I going to turn down the opportunity to dance to African music with my friends from Africa! I hopped up without hesitation, and began to dance with them.

You would have thought I had just presented them with a million dollars!! 

SO.MUCH.JOY.

We finished dancing, but the music continued. They began to play Gospel music, is what Patrick told me. The Gospel music played, and the girls softly began signing along. It was beautiful. I couldn’t help but thank God for this beautiful gift that he was giving me. But He was nowhere near done.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.: Ephesians 3:20-21

We continued to watch videos, until about 9:45 pm. I was visibly exhausted, and when Amon noticed this, he had Anna turn off the music. I prepared to begin my “goodbyes,” but I noticed that Amon had slipped out of the room. He returned with a little black book, slightly bigger than the Bible, similar in binding. He looked at me and motioned with his hands as if to say “just a little bit” and then opened the book. He held it up high…

And then he began to sing. 

Everyone joined in. 

And we worshiped. 

Mother clapped to give the beat, Father led, and everyone sang.

Beautifully.

Loudly.

And full of passion for the Lord. 

And in that moment, as I hummed along, and clapped my hands, this truth came clearly to my heart:

He brought Africa to me. 

The Lord, in all of His goodness, in all of His sovereignty, in all of His awareness of this desire HE has placed within my heart, for Africa…

He brought Africa to me.

We finished singing, and I had the great privilege of participating in a devotion Amon led for his family. He spoke Truth (I didn’t have to have a translator to know that much) and he spoke with conviction, and he spoke with love. He spoke, and then he would pause to allow Patrick to try to translate for me.

God is good. Jesus is good. You work, you home, you school, you here. God is good. 

Yes. Yes. God is so good. Thank God he brought us together.

Amon finished his devotion, and then we bowed our heads to pray.

I anticipated hearing Amon’s voice, leading his family in prayer.

I did not anticipate hearing 6 voices.

But no sooner were our heads bowed did I begin to hear 7 beautiful voices, passionately calling out to God. 6 Swahili voices. 1 English voice. The Lord fully able to understand them all. We prayed. They cried out to God. I approached Him in awe.

I suddenly had a strong urge to sing.

Patrick began to sing. I sang.

The prayers began to fade, and I marveled at the words coming out of my mouth.

At the song He brought to my heart and through my lips…

“…Take joy, my King, in what you hear. 

May it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear.”

I trust it was the sweetest of sounds in His ear.

 

Takeaway:

The enemy will do anything he can to discourage you. He will do anything he can to keep you from experiencing the fullness of all that God has prepared for you. I mentioned that it felt like war within as I drove to their house. It’s true. It did. And the reality is, there was a mini war going on within. The enemy did NOT want me to be there last night. He presented me with a seemingly valid excuse to not go– I was tired. That’s a totally justifiable excuse, right? Maybe. But what did God tell me to do? I knew the Lord wanted me there. I knew going was the obedient thing to do. And I knew that He would provide.

Obey, and He will make a way.